Janet Palmer (nee Hollis) otherwise occupied in Dubai
And the winning captions are.....
First prize: Mr P. "...Waiter, cancel the meal. We're leaving. I think my wife's going down with something." (Paul Gilbey)
Second prize: Are you sure I'm allowed to play with this bell pull, I don't want you to get tolled off. (Bryan Smith)
Third prize: Janet "Hey, that cheeky Arab sheik just offered 17 camels for me; aren't you going to say anything?" Hubbly "I'm holding out for a whole packet, dear" (Bryan Smith)
And here, for completeness, are all the other entries:
Paul Gilbey:
So how come Janet was never elected as Head Girl ??? Well blow me down..That looks like Janet over there !! She was never one to blow her own trumpet
Chopper Hollis strikes again
Are you sure the Doctor said to take one of these before EVERY meal ??
I'm sure when Judith had her Botox treatment she said she only felt a little prick !!
Lady at next table "Waiter, can I have what she's having ?"
When I suggested we eat out tonight, this wasn't quite what I had in mind !! With the aid of her shisha, Janet demonstrates how she achieved top marks in her Arabic oral exam!
"......Dubai based business woman Janet Palmer, founder and CEO of fast food giant "BURGER JANET" is an exponent of the 'hands-on' style of management. Seen here at the opening of her latest restaurant, delivering her own creation, the very popular 'BJ SPECIAL'....."
"..Hey you're right honey, everything does taste better outdoors!.."
Terry Hughes:
First time smoker?, so that's why you were blowing instead of sucking!!!!!!. I thought that Dubai was supposed to be inflation proof anyway!!
I know it's cold in the desert at night,but do we have to persist with the furry covered condoms!!!!
On the wedding night.... 'When you said it was the size of a baby I didn't think you meant that it weighed 6 lbs,and was 19 inches long!!!!!!
Bryan Smith:
But I am blowing, maybe it has a puncture?
So when will the snake come out of it's basket then?
Look, I've sucked all the juice out of this pineapple!
Are you SURE you were George's stunt double in "Airplane"?
Hubb(l)y to boy in background: Hey, these inflatable Janets are very lifelike aren't they !?!
Boy in background: Yes, and the best thing is that the air plug goes in the mouth!
Janet at a party in the Garden of Eden: Right, then... Hic! I've eaten the shnake - what did that apple wanna tell me?
Janet, leave those Bullrushes alone - the odds against Moses turning up twice like that are huge...
Just let me load this gherkin into my pea-shooter and I'll be ready for another crack at that big mosquito!
But Janet, my pet chameleon only kisses people he likes, honest!
No, that ISN'T how lipo-suction is supposed to work!
Well, that's what happens when you try to drink Tartan bitter through a straw!
Are you sure there's an inexhaustable supply of this "Elixir of youth"?
I thought it was only Maoris that had tattoos like that!
Do these come in filter-tipped? There's a strange after taste....
Well, I don't remember sherbet fountains being this flavour
I just don't see how this will cure my hiccups
If this is REALLY a hubbly-bubbly pipe you've given me, how come there are bubbles coming out of your nose?
Are you SURE this is how to play Blow Football?
To be honest, Rolf, I thought yer didgeriedoo might be a bit bigger than this!
Excuse me Captain, but are you SURE that whenever the Ship play's on, the band all have to go down?
Funniest looking sun dial I ever saw. Are you sure this is how you set the alarm?
So, this bloke Aladdin told you that if you got somebody to rub this magic lamp, all your dreams would come true, eh?
Well, I'm sorry, I was only trying to light it!
On second thoughts, can I see it in Paisley again?
Waiter, these aren't supposed to be green inside. Can I have another, please - this one isn't ripe!
"Just my luck, as usual", thought Janet. "Came out looking for a comic book hero. Hoped for 'Ming the Merciless', ended up with 'Flash Gordon'!"
I keep blowing on this magic flute, but still no sign of the Incredible Hulk!
It says "Light blue touch paper and retreat 25 metres"
Terry Spittle:
"Look - I'm SURE I've got all the poison out now - can I stop?"
"What key are we in?"
Anon.
Hubby.."Janet listen their playing that old song you like:....."
"......Get down on it.....Get down on it..."
...And here's Janet's original explanation:
"Terry, I have tried, honestly, to find one single photo of me without sunglasses or hat!! I have realised that because I take all the photo's there are actually hardly any of me!!!!! Must get that rectified asap. The only one I have to hand is that which a friend sent of me in 'action' at a recent wedding. I am smoking the hubbly bubbly pipe (it was an Arabic wedding) and believe it or not this was my FIRST EVER experience of tobacco! Mind you, I'm not sure strawberry flavour actually counts. A very strange sensation. Not ideal I know but the problem is that the scanner is currently attached to my son's computer which is dead. This one had to return to virgin state after my son 'networked' it. My husband's is the only one hunky dory and that has neither scanner software nor photo's on it and I don't have time today to sort that out. Will this one do for the moment until I remedy the situation? The old man to my right is my husband, Steve and that is the only glimpse you are likely to get of him given his total abhorrence of reunions. Regs, Janet"